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However, they are each just looking at a piece of the overall exchange that is dating and relating.

Based on Social Exchange Theory, here is the general advice I give for successful and satisfying dating and relating. However, you also don't need to obsess about every little detail. So, make sure the exchange you're planning is equitable and fair, for both you and for your prospective partners. 4) Know your dating market (what "they" want) - Here is where you take into consideration what your potential partners might want. See what your options for "trading partners" look like. And, eventually, enjoy a mutually-satisfying interaction :) Go to Plus the fact that the article says advice for (real) men, what the hell does that mean? I mean is she saying that real women only want self confident men? I also think that attending to the specific wants of your desired partner(s) is important too.

1) Figure out what you want - It all starts with you. They get so wrapped up in "finding love" or "pleasing others" that they forget to figure out what they want out of the deal. A general idea of what you would like from a partner is best. But, you don't have to be so vague and guess about all men, women, etc. So, search for the people who match that and find out what they want. 6) Pick an option or reassess your plan - If you find a good deal, go with it. Attraction for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories)! Or cant be sympathetic to a man whos self confidence was shatterd for some reason? That is why I was attempting to reconcile the two views. My intention was to put forward a more comprehensive set of instructions that could find the middle ground.

For example, if you want smart to a few in your area and find out what they like. Especially when the relationship is fair, satisfying, and the best alternative for both you and them. Do you need to give a little more to get who you really want? Do you need to try a different dating group, time, location to find someone to connect with? Eventually, you will find a connection (or several) that works. .let me clarify something about the post of mine that you mention. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship is more important for a successful love life than guessing about what others want." I wasn't downplaying trying to figure out what other people want from a relationship--which is very important, I agree--but rather trying to figure out what other people want you to be. So, I chopped "a successful love life" out, just to be on the safe side. Being true to yourself..also finding someone who wants who you are too.

For those of you who might not know, there is an interesting discussion going on in the Psychology Today blogosphere. White's message is that figuring out what you want in a relationship (and being authentic to who you are) is more important than guessing about what others want you to be (and trying to fit those expectations).

The discussion was initiated by an article from Dr. In that article, she discussed how men can improve their love lives by focusing on what she proposes women really want (a man who is confident and high in self-esteem, as opposed to one who is simply materially wealthy). White in a response called "Who Cares What Women (or Men) Want - What Do You Want? Both authors make compelling cases for their perspective.

So, their ratios, satisfaction, and dependence influence whether a relationship happens too. This scenario isn't terribly "romantic" I know, but that is the gist of it.

Relationships (from friends-with-benefits to marriage) are an at the core.

(They probably will, of course, that I don't think that should be your motivation.) I say work on yourself but honestly, trying to wait till all is great is setting yourself up to fail as well.